I just finished reading Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong, a Huffpost article that finally (and ably) puts together all of the reasons why our cultural view of fatness is hugely and dangerously problematic. I definitely recommend that you go ahead and read this piece and then get back to me, because my thoughts here are really a response to this piece. While Hobbes covered many of the pains and perils of being fat in a fatphobic world, he missed an important one. Even for those of us who know all of the facts, know that our weight is not largely in our hands and that weight and health are not synonymous, some unexpected aspects of fattness can be hugely painful. One thing that thin people don't and can't understand is how desperately, passionately I wish they were right. I wish that it was only a matter of willpower, that keeping the weight off is easier than getting it off, that dieting itself is not so hard. In short, I wish that I could hope, someday, to have a thin(er) body, one that looks like all of the beautiful people on television and movie screens. Hell, I'd be happy to have a body that could fit into clothing designed for hip, medium sized fatties. I don't need to shop Abercrombie and Fitch; I'd be overjoyed to fit into Torrid, as long as I could stay that way. Because I know the science, I know that there's a negligible chance that, even with compulsive diet and exercise, that will ever happen. Even if I lose the hundreds of pounds it would take to make me more socially acceptable, I would almost inevitably (95-98%) gain it back. And I can't do that to myself. I can't. I can't fight with my body for years to get to a place that I like, only to be back where I am, or maybe fifty pounds heavier, a few years later. I can't work to lose this weight knowing that it will inevitably come back. I also, and more importantly, look at my body and for practical reasons - ones that have to do with moving well and doing things I want to do - and wish it were smaller. I'm sure a lot of people who know me think that I'm unaware of potential problems, but that's far from true. I worry about future mobility, about pain, about things going undiagnosed because doctors don't want to touch - or look at - or treat fat people.
I no longer give a crap if people think I'm ugly. I've had a lifetime to come to terms with that. I care if I can do the things I want to do on a day to day basis, and because what this article says is true, that will always be something of a struggle. I worry that I won't be treated fairly by medical personnel when I'm helpless and unable to do anything to advocate for myself. I worry that I won't get diagnosed correctly because the best diagnostic tools are too small to fit me. I've cried over all of that, wrestled with it, tried to bargain with it, but facts don't lie.
So what I do is try every day to live my life as a happy fat person, one who doesn't accept the limits society imposes, and that's really hard. I try to take as much beauty into my life as I can, to be as kind as I can, to create as much as I can, because that is the value and worth I can bring into the world. And I try to advocate for myself and for other fat people. I have lectured doctors on fat acceptance when they treated me as lesser. I have stood up for myself and walked out of appointments. I shouldn't have to do these things, but I do, and hopefully they make it a little easier for the next fat person who comes along.
I am fat as all hell, and I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm not ashamed of my life. I'm ashamed that I live in a culture that values people for how they look instead of for what they create, how they love and care for others; for the content of their characters. I'm ashamed of that and disgusted and furious about it when it happens to people of color. I'm ashamed and disgusted when it happens to women. You bet your ass I'm also ashamed and furious when it happens to people who look like me.
I no longer give a crap if people think I'm ugly. I've had a lifetime to come to terms with that. I care if I can do the things I want to do on a day to day basis, and because what this article says is true, that will always be something of a struggle. I worry that I won't be treated fairly by medical personnel when I'm helpless and unable to do anything to advocate for myself. I worry that I won't get diagnosed correctly because the best diagnostic tools are too small to fit me. I've cried over all of that, wrestled with it, tried to bargain with it, but facts don't lie.
So what I do is try every day to live my life as a happy fat person, one who doesn't accept the limits society imposes, and that's really hard. I try to take as much beauty into my life as I can, to be as kind as I can, to create as much as I can, because that is the value and worth I can bring into the world. And I try to advocate for myself and for other fat people. I have lectured doctors on fat acceptance when they treated me as lesser. I have stood up for myself and walked out of appointments. I shouldn't have to do these things, but I do, and hopefully they make it a little easier for the next fat person who comes along.
I am fat as all hell, and I'm not ashamed of my body. I'm not ashamed of my life. I'm ashamed that I live in a culture that values people for how they look instead of for what they create, how they love and care for others; for the content of their characters. I'm ashamed of that and disgusted and furious about it when it happens to people of color. I'm ashamed and disgusted when it happens to women. You bet your ass I'm also ashamed and furious when it happens to people who look like me.
I'm here. I'm a valid, valuable person. My body does not make me lesser, and neither do other people's beliefs about it.
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